“I’m Sorry I’m White,” said my husband

he continued, “I know it bothers you sometimes.”

Artistic rendering of my husband and I in our car

For context- he says silly things like this frequently, such as “I’m sorry I don’t have hair” (he’s bald). “I’m sorry I don’t have a fun accent” (He is from Western PA and knows I have a thing for strong regional accents). “I’m sorry I don’t have abs”. He is joking, of course. But this was another level.

There’s always a bit of truth to what he says when he makes these jokes-and for the record- my husband is wonderful and there is nothing I would change about him. He’s my best friend and we have been married for 8 years. And yeah I would love it if he had a head full of hair, abs and an amusing non-American accent- better yet another language he could teach me. But “i’m sorry i’m white” had a lot of weight to it. Adding that he feels it bothers me sometimes made his jeer even heavier. Because he’s somewhat correct.

I have previously written about the difficulties of navigating pro-Blackness with being in an interracial relationship. Striking a balance between honoring your white life partner and combatting anti-Black racism is more difficult than ever before. Sadly, it’s not simply because of the anti-Black racism from white people that make it a challenge. It’s anti-Blackness from other Black people who date/marry outside their race that make me feel second-hand embarrassment.